Yeah, I assumed it was from the Onion, too.
So, on the one hand, I sympathize with the kid, because A) these things happen, and B) I, myself, am the Queen of Overdue Library Books.
But on the other, it sounds like the school has a clear policy, and that the student violated that policy. An argument to which she eloquently responded, "They're pathetic."
Which, you know, lost her some points in my eyes.
Finally, though, there's the intriguing comment from the district spokesman: "Suffice it to say that there is more to this story than was inaccurately reported."
WAS THERE A COVER-UP? WHAT ARE THEY KEEPING UNDER WRAPS?
HAS THIS HIGH SCHOOL FRESHMAN LEFT A SWATH OF OVERDUE LIBRARY BOOKS BEHIND HER??
ENQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW.