A loaf of bread, a container of milk, and a stick of butter...

Or, a stuck umbrella, a container of milk, and a possibly rabid chihuahua:

I braced the umbrella's end-knob against my thigh and jammed my palm against the top. No dice. Too unstable. The umbrella wobbled and slid off my leg, which I suppose is a testament to my svelte physique, but was no damn good while I was trying to forcibly restrain an errant rain-gear accessory. So I turned to a broader, flatter surface -- my stomach. I braced the end-knob against my belly button and wrestled with the far end of the umbrella. It probably looked like I was trying to commit seppuku with a rolling pin wearing a raincoat, but there you go.

Perfect reading for a Monday morning.  Don't miss it.