Literary Classics With Slang Makeovers...

...at (where else?) Flavorwire.

Here's an excerpt of The House of Mirth in Valley Girl:

“As if! I know you know how to talk to guys. I’m just saying, he’s like pretty shy, and kind of easily shocked, and, you know — ”

“Ugh! Oh my god! Just say it, Judy. Everyone thinks I’m a total gold digger?”