My Breaking Dawn Reading Experience
(obviously, spoilers may follow):
1-2: Huh. In all of these books, the preface has always been a flash-forward to the ending. This time around, Bella's sounding unsure of herself. Maybe she won't end up going through with it.
7: The idea that Edward may have... hastened... Bella's truck's death does not endear him to me. She loved her truck. Grrrr. Oh. It's because the new car is so SAFE. Because he's protecting her. Why doesn't he just brick her up in the basement or something? Blecch. Maybe I should wait a bit longer before reading this.
Let's face it, that's not going to happen. Moving on...
12: Poor old Jacob.
13: "Stop fidgeting, Bella." Bite me (er, actually, don't!), Edward. She already has a father, thanks very much. Yeesh.
20: Alice dresses Charlie up in a tux and Bella says (completely seriously), "You look fabulous! What's the occasion?" WHAT DO YOU THINK IT IS, YOU STUPID GIRL??? Auuugh. It's a good thing this is the last book starring Bella. If I knew there was more to come, my head might explode.
23: "...I could never for a second forget that I was holding someone more angel than man in my arms..." BARF. BAAAAAARF. I suspect there will be more of this than usual in this last installment.
25: Yep. Yecch. Ooo! She pulled out the marble simile already! And the stone metaphor! And there goes glass! All in the same paragraph! Wheeee! It's like Bella is making out with a lawn ornament!
27: Add 'chuckled' to the list of Words Associated With Edward. I'm sure it's supposed to sound cool and semi-adult and sophisticated, but it's just making me think of a guinea pig -- especially since he seems to be doing it on every other page.
29: Now the vampires have fingernails like steel. Very sexy. Not.
34: Okay, the Volturi have been mentioned. Hopefully the story will get going now.
37: Okaaay, baby vampire. I don't understand. If adult and teen vampires continue to learn and grow (mentally), why wouldn't a vampire baby end up like Kiki in Interview? Adult mind trapped in a child's body? Maybe she'll explain this later. Or not.
43: Man, it's a good thing she's explaining every single issue every single character has had over the course of three (large) books ALL OVER AGAIN.
45: "The wedding wasn't centered around the ring, but around Edward himself." Because, hell, why would you want to center the wedding around, OH I DON'T KNOW, THE COUPLE??
47: Of COURSE it's Pachelbel's Canon. Centuries of living, and they pick the most overused piece of music possible. Perfect.
50: Wow. They really got married. And no one busted anything (or ANYONE) up.
58-65: JACOB!! Hooray! Jacob scenes are so much less annoying than Edward scenes. He's way more of an actual person than Mr. Garden Gnome.
66: "Edward's voice was cold as ice, sharp as razors." I have no words.
73: I thought people didn't throw rice at weddings anymore. Doesn't it make birds explode or something? (Erm, nope. Wow, way to fact-check, Ann Landers. But I still don't think it gets thrown much now. Then again, the Cullens are nothing if not traditional.)
76: Apparently, along with his many other perfections, Edward can also pilot a yacht. Maybe he should have married Nancy Drew instead.
80: More chuckling.
81: And again.
85: Huh. I admit, I was kind of hoping for the Superman problem to manifest itself, but no. Rats.
91: "You are killing my buzz, Edward." Right? Right? I didn't think it was possible for anyone to be more angst-ridden than Bella, but at the moment, Edward has the crown.
105: Hmm. I've developed a theory about her nightmares.
117: Boinkfest. No actual on-screen sex, though -- which is a huge relief.
121: Oh, look. Bella has "food poisoning". Yep. Saw that coming.
130: "He threw a set of my clothes on the bed without looking at them, so I assumed it was time for me to get dressed." For a few pages there, he wasn't irritating me. But now we're back to normal. He's so BOSSY.
138: And Bella's going to defy Edward. Maybe. Shocking!
143: Wow, I hadn't expected this book to have multiple narrators. Go Jacob, go!
153: I'd forgotten that Quil imprinted with a two-year-old.
163: I love Jacob, but I wish he'd just let it go about Bella. I see a huge disaster coming. It's nice to get his POV, though -- I prefer it to Bella, though he uses 'bloodsucker' even more often than she uses 'marble'.
184: ""We have a deal," he agreed." Um, good for you guys. It's, like, the yickiest deal of ALL TIME. I wonder if S. Meyer had Rosemary's Baby on repeat while she wrote this segment. I'm clearly getting way more into the storyline -- my updates are coming further and further apart and rather than groaning at the ridiculous lines (of which there have been many), I'm just breezing on past them.
209: Once again with the "You go, Jacob!" Rock on with your Alpha-self.
261: I'm enjoying the werewolf drama much more than I would have expected.
275: The Cullens own an X-ray machine. Of course they do. Sadly, that just made me think of Crazy Tom Cruise and his ultrasound machine.
290: "On the same wavelength with the bloodsucker yet again." See? See?? Perfect couple! Edward ♥ Jacob 4eva, and vice-versa!
304: Wow. I laughed. Silently, granted, but I did laugh. Because something genuinely funny happened. Shocking.
308: The Rosemary's Baby section is officially dragging.
360: Okay, I admit it. That was a FANTASTIC plot twist. It's just so perfectly perfect and hilarious and kind of creepy. And I finally get the cover art. Took me long enough.
363: Jacob's chapter headings were way better than these ones.
371: THAT'S what she wanted to name the baby? Bella Swan is officially a dick. You don't DO that shit. You don't marry one guy and then name your kid after the guy whose heart you stomped on. It's just wrong on so many levels.
387: I really didn't think she'd get vamped. I'm honestly surprised.
395: Not ony does Edward chuckle in this paragraph, but: "His face was glowing--like a white flame burned from beneath his diamond skin." BLECCCCCCH!!
419: It's pretty entertaining watching Bella get used to her new abilities.
433: Oh, DUH. I just understood the "strange need" Bella had been feeling for Jacob while she was pregnant. Sometimes I'm unbelievably slow.
451: Oh, it made me laugh again. And almost out loud!
485: Jebus. More boinking. Lots more.
486: Somewhere along the way Breaking Dawn stops feeling like a YA novel. (Earlier than this, but it only just registered now.) Odd.
510: I do love Charlie. He'd better make it through the next 244 pages alive. Hell, I'd better make it through the next 244 pages alive.
541: It's getting snoozy again. Now I just want the Volturi to Show up so that the story can Wrap Up. It's not a particularly good sign when you're ready for a book to end 200 pages early.
558: I doubt very much that this is a real defection on the Alice/Jasper front.
628: This isn't really book related, but it is part of my reading experience. I had to kick Josh out of the house because he was being so obnoxious, and I just received the following text message: "How are you doing? How's the turkey [That's our dog's nickname -- it's a long story!]? My back hurts, but I'm sure you don't care, you only care about Bella and her darkness." He also told me to save him a Schlitz. If I can't drink crappy beer while I read this, I might not survive! Have texted him back to tell him he's out of luck.
672: OH MY GOOD GOD, WILL THE WAITING NEVER END??? Still no Volturi.
736: Ah. That's why Bella transitioned so easily, maybe? Because if the other lady was suffering from newborn vampire rage, she wouldn't have been able to take care of the kid, right? So maybe the bite of a hybrid does something to avert it? Or something?
754: Huh. Well, overall, I liked it more than Eclipse, but that isn't saying a whole lot. But do keep in mind that I did read the whole thing in one sitting, so that should count for something. It certainly could have used more editing -- I don't think it would have hurt to tighten it up by at least (Let me repeat that: AT LEAST) two hundred pages -- and I'm not usually one to gripe about a happy ending, but OH MY GOD, it was the tiniest bit over the top, don't you think? I expected at least some sort of bittersweet something. And the big Volturi showdown? Talk about a let down. And I felt a bit battered over the head with the Mother Love thing. I've heard vague rumblings about fans being furious, and I've got to say that I'm completely in the dark -- I have NO IDEA what the specific problem is: so I'm off to read the one-star reviews to find out! So, yeah, I didn't hate it with the intensity of a thousand burning suns or anything, but I didn't go into it very invested in the characters or the story, either.
[Later: Okay, judging by the few one-star reviews I've read, people are upset about the ridiculousity of the happy ending (fair enough) and about the idea of Bella, the Poster Child for Immaturity, having a child. That people were all that surprised by any of it is what surprises me. I thought it totally fit with the rest of the series, ESPECIALLY the bit about how Bella ultimately gets vampy -- she starts getting vaguely cold feet, but then gets pregnant (which was totally odd, but I gave SM a pass on that one because I just don't care all that much) and they have to Turn Her to Save Her. So, as usual, stuff happens without Bella having to make an actual decision. I'm also seeing some complaints about the name: Renesmee -- to all of those people, I TOTALLY SECOND THAT. It's quite possibly the lamest name ever.]
[Even later: OH MY GOD, if you've already read the book (or if you're not planning to), go and read this play-by-play. It's SO much more entertaining than the actual real thing.]