And the winner is:
"Detective Bart Lasiter was in his office studying the light from his one small window falling on his super burrito when the door swung open to reveal a woman whose body said you've had your last burrito for a while, whose face said angels did exist, and whose eyes said she could make you dig your own grave and lick the shovel clean."
Yeah. In case you didn't know, the Bulwer-Lytton Prize is awarded to the WORST opening sentence of a novel. (An unpublished -- or imaginary -- novel.)