Humiliating phone call.

Ring.  Ring.

Patron:  Hello?

Me:  Hi there, this is Leila calling from the Kennebunk Library.  I just wanted to let you know that I have Contempt for you.

Patron:  You DO???

Me:  ...  ...  ...  Yes.  Wait, NO!  I mean the book!

Patron:  <laughing>  Yes, I know, dear.

Me:  I bet you think you're pretty smart, don't you?

Patron:  <laughing>  Yes.