The noir haiku results.
Weenies. Except for two people, you all are a bunch of weenies!
C. C. wins, almost by default (although she probably would have won anyway, due to the mega points awarded for mentioning the Op)--the emo-hater got an entry in just under the wire, and while it mentions booze, there is no noir. Lots of emo, though.
The Thin Man goes to C. C. for: