The noir haiku results.

Weenies.  Except for two people, you all are a bunch of weenies!

C. C. wins, almost by default (although she probably would have won anyway, due to the mega points awarded for mentioning the Op)--the emo-hater got an entry in just under the wire, and while it mentions booze, there is no noir.  Lots of emo, though.

The Thin Man goes to C. C. for:

I'd write a haiku but:
Sam, the Op, assorted yeggs,
plus Charleses--full house.