When did fortune cookie fortunes start sucking so bad?
They aren't even fortunes anymore. They're just statements.
I want a real fortune, damnit! It doesn't even have to come true--it could just say something like, "You will never be a millionaire". Or "You will get a horrible pimple in the near future". At least that would be a frickin' fortune.
On the other hand, I got what might have been the best fortune ever for the "in bed" game:
Our first and last love is. . . Self-love.
I suspect that the furtune cookie industry knows about the "in bed" thing.